I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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