Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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