It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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