I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
