I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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