Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
