Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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