i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
