He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
