i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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