Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
