Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize