just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
