Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
