Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
