I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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