yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
