I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
