'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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