is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize