Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
foreskin is a definite game changer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize