Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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