Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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