hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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