the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
