Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
