I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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