I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
