started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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