you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
