I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
