just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
