I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
