when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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