It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
