whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
