Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
