Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
