I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
