It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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