I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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