Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
