my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Randomize
