Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm just crazy horny about you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
