i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
