I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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