we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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