And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
