I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
