I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
