turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
