wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
