His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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