thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
