seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
