Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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