It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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