Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
