he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
