At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
