she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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