I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
