I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
