You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
