you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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