you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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