If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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