Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
