I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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