i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i out mim tonsoeep
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