I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
