What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
farters have to be the big spoon...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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