I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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