hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
