why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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