Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
