I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Less talking, more tequila
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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