the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
