somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
